A spoonful of Peanut Butter...

helps the Accounting work get done much more efficiently. 


I've got two tests next week. One on Monday one on Tuesday. Intermediate Accounting and Cost Accounting. I do enjoy Accounting. So I can't complain much. My professors are quite possibly the best ones that I have had in my college career. 


Last night I got a little down because my friends invited me to go to out with them and their significant others. Now, I'm all for going out and having a fun time. But I didn't really feel like going to eat and being the only single one in the group of 4 couples. C'est la vie. Then around 11 they went out to the bar that's not overrun with the Greeks. If I had known that my friend was going to spend well over 150 bucks on drinks for everyone but him I probably would have gone. However, instead I opted to not be the awkward 7th wheel and stayed in while reading one of the books I have to write a review on. Who knew conspiracy books about the government could be so... boring? Not what I was expecting. Nevertheless, tonight I will embarking to their houses to sit around and do fun random things. 


I ate an entire thing of Pringles today while watching Auburn's basketball game... what the heck? Oh well. They were good and I'll walk them off next week when I have to walk all over class. 


My life's not that interesting, I'm such a dull college kid. Oh well. 

Sporadic Posting

This semester my goal is to get ahead on my classes so that I am not overwhelmed when my test come around. So far, I'm doing pretty well. Every Wednesday I'm going to the library, possibly going to start going every Monday night as well.

I'm trying not to get too down about anything that happens in my life. All of the friends that I hang out with on a normal basis are now dating people. So, if I don't want to be a 7th wheel I am stuck sitting around. Thankfully it gives me more time to work on school. Which really helps me a lot. Sadly, I don't see this situation letting up anytime soon. Seeing as the only person I am romantically interested in is stationed Germany and will be there for 6 more long months, I'm probably going to stay being the 7th wheel for a while.

My classes seem to be going very well. I definitely enjoy my Income Tax class and surprisingly my Financial Markets class is highly interesting. We talk about the stock market and banking industry all class so I'm finding it intriguing. I'm also looking into joining a club/organization thing this semester "Women in Business" should be quite wonderful.

I can't really complain about my life at the moment. It seems to be going pretty smoothly. I'm still a bit on the sad side over the events that happened in December however, I'm trying to work past them and keep on keeping on and getting stronger everyday and happier at that.

I've been immersing myself back in Harry Potter books and my lovely wizard rock. I think it's partly because the series is ending this year and I just won't know what to do. And the fact that I just realized how much I hadn't listened to the amazing HP centered music in a very long time.

I'm taking time to do more things for myself, and I think that's what I really needed to be honest. I definitely needed it.

Spring 2011

The entire month of December was just a big ball of depression. So many things hit me all at once it was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thankfully it is over and I am trying my best to push forward into this semester with a new attitude and hopefully come out better come May.

This morning I woke up bright and early in order to go speak with my advisor to try and get a class switched and me into another one. In doing so I now have a very messed up schedule, but that's okay. No harm done. After that I went and acquired my books I will need this semester. The higher I get into education the smaller the books and the bigger the bill. I hate that.

Now I am here, waiting until I go to class at 1230. Income Tax. That's going to be a fun class, I'm excited. Finally doing something that I actually want to do in my life. Talk about exciting. :) After that I have no class until 330. Yeah, I know what a weird schedule. Thankfully I only have on class on Fridays so that means if I need/want to I can hightail it out of here super fast those days and get home.

Well, now it looks like I need to find all my binders and paper and pencils and calculators. It's gonna be a long 5 months, but let's go. I'm ready.

Happy Spring 2011, y'all!!!

Finals... day two

I spent the entire day at home, the visitation and funeral was at 1 pm. It was hard, it's still hard. I'm trying to work through it. Thankfully, one of my professors is letting me take a final I was supposed to have tomorrow on Wednesday instead. I get to take it in his office and an extra day to study. Thank God. I'm so overwhelmed with everything and I can't imagine studying for two finals tonight. I'm already about ready to crash. Which I think I'm about to go to sleep, so I can wake up early and study some more for my final that is at noon...

Happy finals season.

Finals... day one.

Finals weeks is officially here. Three tests stand in the way of me and sweet sweet freedom. I'm having to study pretty hardcore today for my two test that are Tuesday. I'm driving home tomorrow morning for my great grandmothers funeral. It still fully hasn't hit me yet. I think it will when I get there and my cousin and I start talking face to face. He's the only one I would talk to growing up that was not my parents. We just understand each other and what we are thinking. Tomorrow it becomes real and tomorrow is going to be a very hard day. And long. I'm leaving here by 730 AM. 

Last night we (Auburn University) won the SEC Conference Championships. It was amazing. Words can't express how phenomenal Toomer's Corner was. If you don't know what Toomer's Corner is, the tradition states that with any Auburn victory we go and roll the Oak trees that are on the corner across from Toomer's drug store downtown. There's a long story behind it, I could tell you but I'm sure no one cares. Well we got to Toomer's and it was insane I will try and upload a picture or two at the end of this post. A guy who has apparently been crushing on me super hard for a while now miraculously found us and right before we parted ways kissed me under a rolled Toomer's corner. It was highly unexpected, and weird. Haha. But hey, we just got told we were going to the National Championship Game... EMOTIONS WERE HIGH! haha. 

Now, I'm studying for a Marketing final and a Management final. Both are Tuesday. I will probably die. I emailed my Management professor and told him about my situation and asked if I could somehow take my final on Wednesday. I don't know if it will work or not. But it was worth a shot and at least I tried. The test won't be too hard, I'm not that worried if I can't move it, but I would like to. 

I'm just very overwhelmed by everything and finals is just adding to the stress of it all. Time to get back to the grind... marketing here I come.

Saying it makes it real

I've struggled with writing this post for about 6 days now. I didn't want to have to type this out and actually think these words but it seems like I need to say it. For myself. So I can start really understanding. This post could get long, and for that I apologize I just really need to say everything, that way I can begin to understand.

My great grandmother was put in the hospital two weeks ago today. She was having trouble swallowing and as a precaution they wanted to run some test. A simple test was being run and they found cancer on her lungs. She has never smoked a day in her life but alas it took a hold of her. They decided to put a tube down her throat to see if they could understand what was going on with her inability to swallow. The tube wouldn't even go down.

The doctor came in and told her she had cancer, and chemo wouldn't help. They couldn't figure out why she could not swallow anything. She stayed in the hospital for 6 days and then they sent her home.

They sent her home. Someone stays with her at all times. She can hardly walk, after sitting up for a short time she gets tired, and she sleeps most of the time. They gave her two to three weeks when she was sent home. The one week mark passed yesterday. The doctor sent my grandma Roney, my sweet sweet great grandmother home to starve to death because they couldn't do anything to help her. She's in constant pain, constant. She can't even swallow water. She's slowly disappearing before our eyes and they can't do a damn thing about it. And you know where I'm at? Auburn, because I have finals.

I should be home. I should be sitting in her living room being there for her--for my family. Talking to her on the good times that she has when she can talk. But no, I'm here trying to find the will to study for finals that are next week.

It's become real because I've finally accepted it.

And I hate it.

I'm not a whore.

I refuse to be a whore to get someone's attention back on me. Or to even get them to talk to me like we used to. I refuse to throw myself at him just to have some acknowledgement that I still exist. I refuse to change what I believe just to gain his affection back.

So, I'm sorry I don't play an instrument in the band.
I'm sorry I'm not a "fine" girl that danced with you.
I'm sorry that when I was drunk, instead of going home with you I called you out on ignoring me the entire night.
I'm sorry I'm true to myself and refuse to be anything else.

Cause I'm sure that's exactly what he wants me to say. But I'm not going to. I was his friend/whatever else before all the crazy popularity happened and I'll still be his friend after the fad dies down.

Besides he signed up for a class I was in only because I told him I was taking it. So, that counts for something.


Okay my little mini rant/piss and moan session is over.

I have a Marketing test tomorrow and I really need to study for it. Ugh. I hate this class and I need at least a C on the test tomorrow... easier said than done. I'm just waiting for Thursday at midnight to happen cause that's when HARRY POTTER COMES OUT!!! AHHHHH SO EXCITED It's going to be AMAZING!!!! Got my midnight release ticket and I'm ready to go!!! My Neville Longbottom shirt is clean and my Ravenclaw scarf is ready to be worn it best be cold that night. It's going to be great.

Ugh, I need to go back to studying. Like hardcore studying. So ready for Thanksgiving break... only 4 more days.

Learning so much in so little

This past weekend I went to the camp I worked at this summer and taught canoe to about 140 people. The high the entire weekend was going to be 51 and the low would be around 30. The ladies I worked with were amazing, I don't think I've ever felt so welcomed by women who were older than I am than this past weekend from these lovely ladies. I taught canoe all day Saturday and about froze my toes off, I thought I was going to write a short post about how my weekend went but there was something else I wanted to say about this weekend.

Late Saturday night after the rest of the camp had gone to bed and were all asleep in their sleeping bags; me, the cook, and the program director sat up and talked. We originally were talking about random stupid things and then they asked about my life. Or rather my romantic life. They asked about this new guy. They asked if we were still in that big goofy smile stage where you can't stop looking at them with the googly eyes. I told them we were never in that stage and immediately they said "he's not the one." I had this crazy look on my face probably cause they both explained their husbands were the only ones they were never able to stop looking and smiling all goofingly at. Not only did they teach me that somewhat ridiculous information but they did tell me something really smart. Don't go down to any guys level. If they aren't on your level they aren't worth it. And to never change who I was for anyone. I've heard the latter for years but it really just hit home hearing it from them.

I think the reason the whole idea of being married and settling down has been on my mind recently is because a lot of my friends are getting married and people are asking when that'll be me. And the fact that these two women told me just because everyone else was getting married doesn't mean I should feel bad about myself or try and change myself just so I can find someone to put a ring on my finger and marry me. But to wait for someone that was actually special and didn't make me change.

Okay, that was way more sappy than I wanted it to be. I'm going to finish watching tv and then go to bed. My power is back on from it's little outage this afternoon and I've finished all my work, I think it's time I start going to be early.

Two days in a row?

Yes, two days in a row. I looked at my planner and noticed I don't have anything huge due for at least 8 days. So I got to take it easy tonight. I went out and grabbed dinner with some friends. Had a surprise visitor come up and see me before he had to go study and then I came home. I just cleaned my room and will probably hopefully make it into bed early tonight. Though who knows. I might go crazy and stay up late still.

Right now I'm not feeling too fantastic. I'm a little down. Lately it seems like one of the really good friends I have has been using me. Well, it doesn't just feel like it, it basically is that they are. It annoys me to know end, but I still let it happen. I don't know why. I just do. I'm such a girl. Instead of doing something about it I sit and complain and refuse to budge and say it hurts my feelings. I'm so prideful. It's such a horrible characteristic.

In other news, I think I might have to cave and demand an answer from a certain boy. I can't handle this confusion much longer. But timing is everything when it comes to this. It seems like just now that my life has slowed down his has gotten more hectic and now is just not the right time. Don't get me wrong, I like this whole no strings attached business, but well a girls gotta know. Besides, sometimes it's nice to have something to fall back on and say, yeah I'm not just doing whatever with him whenever but we actually have SOMETHING going on. Who knows. All I know is, my mind can't take this nonsense any longer. I have enough to worry about with school and work.

Tonight was a rerun of Glee and for NCIS, thus I caught us with Grey's Anatomy. It's sad that on a free night instead of really going out and seeing my friends I opt out of a wild night with them to a quiet night alone in my room in my bed. I wouldn't have it any other way.

A chance to take a breathe

I can officially say I do not know where my time has been going. It seems like lately the days are getting shorter and the nights are coming faster and my sleep is becoming nonexistent. I've never in my life been so confused as to where time has been going. I've had a test every week for the last 8 weeks straight and it won't be letting up until after finals. I await the day when I don't have to study at night. When am I graduating and not having to worry about test? Anyways, my life. Well, hmmm let's see.

This past weekend I went home to the annual National Peanut Festival. I have gone to this since I was a wee little bean in my mothers belly. I missed the nut fest last year due to my inability to get home. However this year, I refused to miss it. And my stomach was happy about this. In a span of just two hours I ate: a corn dog from the corn dog man (which is amazing hand dipped batter), an elephant ear, chili cheese fries (homemade chili recipe from generations ago), roasted corn on the cob, and boiled peanuts. My stomach was in heaven. I also took in the sights and sounds that is my home town. The rednecks were out in full swing and the confederate flags were not lacking that's for sure. Plenty of y'alls and tobacco spitting all around. I wouldn't have it any other way, at least not at the good ole Nut Fest.

As for college life: it goes. I go to class, go to work, go to the library, go home, eat, sleep. And do it all over again the next day. I can't complain. It keeps me busy I guess?

That's why nothing exciting has happened with me lately. I literally don't know where the time is going. Any free time I have I'm spending with friends and that's usually only a few hours. The weekend before last I reveled in the fact that I could  go to a haunted hay ride with one group of friends and then go watch tv with another after that and not feel bad about doing so. I think I'm just ready for a chance to breathe.

I hope that is soon.

A kiss is just a kiss...

I keep telling myself to not make a big deal about the said kiss... er kisses? It was kind of one of those I'm lonely you're lonely let's hang out; an hour later getting closer and using the other as a pillow; and then it turns to oh yeah I'll kiss you. And so the story begins. This is not the first time this has happened with this gentleman.


I failed my asleep by midnight challenge last night. That was my own damn fault. I went over to my friends house and definitely did not watch a movie. I need to stop having the desire to cuddle; with that comes great conflicting thoughts. Now I'm trying not to get attached cause this isn't the first time we've had these hang outs that end in something more than friendly hugs. I'm trying not to get attached. Because well let's face it we haven't discussed anything like that at all. And that's partly my fault, why complicate things, right? Oh boys... they are so confusing. Since when did life get so complicated? 


A kiss is just a kiss unless you make a big deal about it. 


Which I'm trying not to do. 

Slaying the Dragon...

I'm once again sitting in the library. I'm thinking about renting out a space in the cubicle on the first floor. It's got everything I need: outlet, plenty of working space, bathroom near by, and a nice little view to the outside world. So what if I can only see tree limbs, I like the color green. So what if it's cold in here, I'll just bring a blanket. So what if I lose all contact with the outside world, I'll be having good grades. Maybe.

I've been here since one p.m. and it is no where near that time anymore. I've seen many people come and go in these long hours. But two things remain the same: my high speed internet connection and the girl sitting across the way from me scribbling on her one-hundred note cards. Together, her and I will conquer the world. The world of Marketing that is.

Don't think I've been studying the entire time. My buddy Everett has been texting me when I get super bored. And of course obviously I'm blogging right now. No, I can't study all the time. That would just be unheard of. I was about to get up and go take the foot stool that was at the table beside me, and then someone decides to sit down and use it. This is highly upsetting only because my feet are tired and I wish to put them up.

Our library is open 24/7 aside from some Saturdays when we have football games and heaven knows NO ONE studies on those days. (Yeah.... right) This means I'll probably be here for a very long time tonight unless I miraculously learn all this crap in a pretty fast time. I'm also missing the ATLANTA BRAVES game tonight, I think I might have to replace my usual background noise of country music with the sweet soothing sounds of the Braves winning and continuing Bobby Cox's reign as one of the coolest old men I know.

Now that it is after five I have officially been surrounded by all different walks from the college world. I've got the sorority girls across from me thankfully, both listening to their music and not talking constantly. Next to me are the group of hipsters studying their chemistry it looks like. They seem nice enough no talking going on at all. And then, there's the obnoxious guys to my left. They just arrived 5 minutes ago. And are still talking, louder than my music actually. I have a feeling I'm going to be sending them death glares the entire night.

I've begged and pleaded with people, but it doesn't look as if any of my friends wish to come see me. Probably for the best because I do need to study. My Taco Bell is getting cold and my Pepsi is getting warm. And I'm pretty sure my Marketing book is collecting dust. It's time to get back to work.

Ralph Brown Draughon Library -- or as I affectionately call it The Dragon-- let's get comfortable. We are in for a long night.

You lead me on and on and on

I think of everything as a learning experience. The good and the bad. And with my track record in life, I've learned a lot. Some are easier lessons than others then there are the hard ones. A little while back I had what I thought would be a hard lesson that I was getting to learn. I didn't think I would ever get over it, I didn't think I would move on. I thought I would cry forever. That thought lasted for about an hour and then my dad called me. (I was never a big daddy's girl until I went to college, then it's almost like I can't handle any big thing in my life without him) He told me that break ups happen, love fades, and it wasn't a waste because I enjoyed it for a little while and learned something in the end. So that's what I kept telling myself.

I try and not live with any regrets. Because once it's done, it's done might as well not regret it. So, do I regret loving everyone I have loved? No. Do I regret him being the first one I said that I was "in love" with? No.

Through all my relationships I've learned something. And this one was no exception. I think the reason it's stuck with me so long is because he and I were best friends. We ultimately decided we were better friends than lovers.  However I think because of circumstances that happened we aren't as good of friends that we thought we would be after the break up. I learned to be completely vulnerable to someone and not be scared. I learned to pick myself up off the ground after facing what I thought would be my worst fear. I learned that I'm a stubborn person and I need to stop letting my pride get in the way. I learned that sometimes love is only for a season. I learned exactly what I want in a relationship and what I don't. And that I should never compromise my beliefs for anyone. You live and you learn. And he was a learning experience and I'm happy with what I learned.

I can't even say that I wish things would have ended differently because I don't.

So, do I wish I never loved him? No. Because without him, I wouldn't have learned to truly let myself go and see where I landed.

Relationships are weird things. Every single one is different. But all are learning experiences. My last one was no exception. I like to think I came out of it on top and a better person. And ready to face the world head on again. Because well, I can only go up from here. :)






In other news.... after Tuesday I'll hopefully slow down with life and be able to enjoy the finer things... like my bed.

surrendering to sleep.

It's 11:00 pm. I'm laying in my bed, the only light illuminating my room coming from my laptop, the sweet voice of Jake Coco filling the silence around me, and I'm just about ready to surrender to sleep.

This week is going to be stressful. I already know it. I'm working Monday-Thursday. I have a BIG HUGE GINORMOUS Accounting test on Tuesday. Did I mention this test is a big deal? It is. I need a good grade on it. Like ferrrrr real. So, I'm going to the library tomorrow and will stay there for a good long time. I'm kind of upset because I will be missing my weekly Criminal Minds marathon. Every Sunday, I always have this marathon. Alas, school is more important. Then, as if the Accounting test wasn't enough, I have to do a business plan for my business. It's about 12 pages of a plan for my business and how it will succeed and the expenses I will be doing. Lots of research that is going to suck a lot. No, I don't have a business. I have to come up with one. I'm thinking a bakery? Maybe. Tiger Treats and Sweets???? Huh, huh, huh??? I'll hire my friend Kelly to make the brownies, she's a pro at that. :) haha.

Jake Coco is singing about wishing he never loved someone and that he never cared. I have a lot of thoughts on that. I think... I'll discuss this in my next post. Only cause it's something someone recently asked me about myself and I've actually been talking about this with someone for a while. "Do you regret loving him, like him being your first love? Would you take it all back if you could?"

jumbled words.

Look at it this way. There is only one singular absolute truth: your realization of your own self. By concerning yourself so greatly with the judgements and opinions of others, you only look away from that one truth.



What's the point of relying on that which you cannot know with any real certainty over that which you can? There isn't one! So quit fooling around, you are your own world and you are perfectly viable, beautiful, and wonderful. You're your own miracle and you need no one else's revelation to know that other than your own!



My friend Tyler told this exact thing to me 6 months ago when I was questioning the current relationship I was in. And since then, I've looked to it anytime that I'm feeling down. Which lately has been a lot. I don't really know how to describe what's been going on in my mind and in my life. Things are going really great. I can't even say that they aren't. I just, get in these funks sometimes. And it bothers me that I can't get out of them. 


Currently my funk is this: I'm tired of all the shallow people at my school, I'm tired of not being able to meet more people, I'm tired of just people. 


Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. So much. But, right now I'm finding it super hard to make more friends. No one in my major likes to socialize. Or, they just aren't nice. So I'm stuck. 


I have one set of friends that I do a lot of stuff with. And then I branch out some. But I still have a core set of friends. So if you piss someone off, you're stuck. Or if they don't go to a football game, you're stuck hunting scrambling for someone to go with. *currently I'm in that bind no ones likes day games apparently*


This blog has been sitting in the drafts for over a week. I've been constantly fighting to get my words right. And they still aren't even what I wish to convey. Just a bunched up version of thoughts. Some aren't even in here. I don't know. I'm just in a funk and I'm not too happy about it. 

day six.

Five things you can't live without

1. Music. It keeps me sane, it helps me stay calm, it fills the silence when I don't want to be quiet, it let's me escape the crazy world.
2. Love. "All you need is love" I believe this. Without the love of my family and friends, I would be no where and never leaving.
3. Sudokus. They help my brain be used and challenge me to beat my lowest time. I love a challenge.
4. Dirt Roads with a starry night above me. I've done some of my best thinking on dirt roads looking at the stars. I've solved the problems of the world and even some of my own while out under the stars with the dirt under my butt.
5. Oreos. They are my comfort cookie. If I'm eating Oreos, something is up. They have always been my go to thing.

day five

Six songs you're addicted to

1. Ring of Fire-Johnny Cash. It is and always will be my one of my all time favorite songs. No questions asked.
2. There Came You- Marsha Musleh. This woman, is basically famous on the internet, I love her and this song it is pretty much a song I was in love with all last year. And I still am.
3. If I Were An Artist- Jake Coco. I love his voice, and I want to marry him. So bad. He's also pretty obscure though so it's hard to find a lot about him.
4. World Spins Madly On- The Weepies. So much so, I might be getting the title tattooed onto me. Because it has become something I just saw whenever anything horrible happens or anything great happens. It's my own personal mantra almost.
5. Guys Like Me- Eric Church. This song brings back so many memories from high school. It is a key point in one of the best memories I have of a friend who passed away last year. I sang it with him and it will always remind me of him.
6. Desperado- Eagles. Yeah It is another favorite of mine. Always will be.

I can't survive being the catlady

I should be studying for a marketing test, but I have been all day and I need a break. School has been going pretty smoothly I'm hoping it keeps up that way. Football has been good, we are 2-0. This weekend though, that  will be a true test to see how we are doing. I'm kind of a hermit right now, I've always got so much work to do that I find myself going home, doing the work and then getting into bed and just relaxing. I love that, however I don't want to be a hermit for too long. I mean college is all about living it up cause soon we will be adults.
That kind of scares me. I'm going to be a full fledged adult soon. I can't believe it. I'm not ready to grow up. I think I have the Peter Pan syndrome. Which makes sense because that is my favorite cartoon movie, by far.
OH crap, I just remembered I have clothes in the washer. I need to get those in the dryer.

In other news of personal detail. I'm finding it increasingly hard to feel compassion for people these days. It seems like all they want is compassion after they have done something stupid and I just don't desire to give it to them. At all. I'm used to me feeling horrible when people are upset and not being able to be mean to anyone at all. But lately I just haven't had those same feelings. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. I'm just tired of people wishing to be given sympathy for doing something ignorant. I just don't want to end up being a cold hearted old lady who only shows love to her 57 cats. Besides, I'm allergic to cats, like horrifically allergic. So I don't think I could survive being the catlady for very long. I might die.

day four.

7 fears/phobias

1. Failing at life. Graduating and not being able to get a job and having to settle for something less than my dream.
2. Spending my life alone. Not having people that love me surrounding me.
3. Mascots. Anything where I can't see the face of the person it freaks me out.
4. Never reaching my full potential.
5. Being stranded in the middle of the ocean with sharks circling my feet below.
6. Being vulnerable. Vulnerability scares the shit out of me.
7. Getting stuck in the elevators in the Haley Center on campus.

day three

8 things that annoy you

1. When friends ditch you the minute they get a girlfriend/boyfriend.
2. People who walk extra slow on the sidewalks and then won't let you pass them.
3. Bikes on sidewalks.
4. Not being able to fall back asleep when I wake up too early.
5. Being one or two cents off on my accounting problems and not being able to figure out where I went wrong.
6. My new neighbors taking my parking spot.
7. Burnt toast.
8. People who smack their gum.



I'm going home this weekend. Thank God. Nothing exciting is going on in my life other than that. And i'm kind of okay with that.