jumbled words.

Look at it this way. There is only one singular absolute truth: your realization of your own self. By concerning yourself so greatly with the judgements and opinions of others, you only look away from that one truth.



What's the point of relying on that which you cannot know with any real certainty over that which you can? There isn't one! So quit fooling around, you are your own world and you are perfectly viable, beautiful, and wonderful. You're your own miracle and you need no one else's revelation to know that other than your own!



My friend Tyler told this exact thing to me 6 months ago when I was questioning the current relationship I was in. And since then, I've looked to it anytime that I'm feeling down. Which lately has been a lot. I don't really know how to describe what's been going on in my mind and in my life. Things are going really great. I can't even say that they aren't. I just, get in these funks sometimes. And it bothers me that I can't get out of them. 


Currently my funk is this: I'm tired of all the shallow people at my school, I'm tired of not being able to meet more people, I'm tired of just people. 


Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. So much. But, right now I'm finding it super hard to make more friends. No one in my major likes to socialize. Or, they just aren't nice. So I'm stuck. 


I have one set of friends that I do a lot of stuff with. And then I branch out some. But I still have a core set of friends. So if you piss someone off, you're stuck. Or if they don't go to a football game, you're stuck hunting scrambling for someone to go with. *currently I'm in that bind no ones likes day games apparently*


This blog has been sitting in the drafts for over a week. I've been constantly fighting to get my words right. And they still aren't even what I wish to convey. Just a bunched up version of thoughts. Some aren't even in here. I don't know. I'm just in a funk and I'm not too happy about it. 

day six.

Five things you can't live without

1. Music. It keeps me sane, it helps me stay calm, it fills the silence when I don't want to be quiet, it let's me escape the crazy world.
2. Love. "All you need is love" I believe this. Without the love of my family and friends, I would be no where and never leaving.
3. Sudokus. They help my brain be used and challenge me to beat my lowest time. I love a challenge.
4. Dirt Roads with a starry night above me. I've done some of my best thinking on dirt roads looking at the stars. I've solved the problems of the world and even some of my own while out under the stars with the dirt under my butt.
5. Oreos. They are my comfort cookie. If I'm eating Oreos, something is up. They have always been my go to thing.

day five

Six songs you're addicted to

1. Ring of Fire-Johnny Cash. It is and always will be my one of my all time favorite songs. No questions asked.
2. There Came You- Marsha Musleh. This woman, is basically famous on the internet, I love her and this song it is pretty much a song I was in love with all last year. And I still am.
3. If I Were An Artist- Jake Coco. I love his voice, and I want to marry him. So bad. He's also pretty obscure though so it's hard to find a lot about him.
4. World Spins Madly On- The Weepies. So much so, I might be getting the title tattooed onto me. Because it has become something I just saw whenever anything horrible happens or anything great happens. It's my own personal mantra almost.
5. Guys Like Me- Eric Church. This song brings back so many memories from high school. It is a key point in one of the best memories I have of a friend who passed away last year. I sang it with him and it will always remind me of him.
6. Desperado- Eagles. Yeah It is another favorite of mine. Always will be.

I can't survive being the catlady

I should be studying for a marketing test, but I have been all day and I need a break. School has been going pretty smoothly I'm hoping it keeps up that way. Football has been good, we are 2-0. This weekend though, that  will be a true test to see how we are doing. I'm kind of a hermit right now, I've always got so much work to do that I find myself going home, doing the work and then getting into bed and just relaxing. I love that, however I don't want to be a hermit for too long. I mean college is all about living it up cause soon we will be adults.
That kind of scares me. I'm going to be a full fledged adult soon. I can't believe it. I'm not ready to grow up. I think I have the Peter Pan syndrome. Which makes sense because that is my favorite cartoon movie, by far.
OH crap, I just remembered I have clothes in the washer. I need to get those in the dryer.

In other news of personal detail. I'm finding it increasingly hard to feel compassion for people these days. It seems like all they want is compassion after they have done something stupid and I just don't desire to give it to them. At all. I'm used to me feeling horrible when people are upset and not being able to be mean to anyone at all. But lately I just haven't had those same feelings. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. I'm just tired of people wishing to be given sympathy for doing something ignorant. I just don't want to end up being a cold hearted old lady who only shows love to her 57 cats. Besides, I'm allergic to cats, like horrifically allergic. So I don't think I could survive being the catlady for very long. I might die.

day four.

7 fears/phobias

1. Failing at life. Graduating and not being able to get a job and having to settle for something less than my dream.
2. Spending my life alone. Not having people that love me surrounding me.
3. Mascots. Anything where I can't see the face of the person it freaks me out.
4. Never reaching my full potential.
5. Being stranded in the middle of the ocean with sharks circling my feet below.
6. Being vulnerable. Vulnerability scares the shit out of me.
7. Getting stuck in the elevators in the Haley Center on campus.