A kiss is just a kiss...

I keep telling myself to not make a big deal about the said kiss... er kisses? It was kind of one of those I'm lonely you're lonely let's hang out; an hour later getting closer and using the other as a pillow; and then it turns to oh yeah I'll kiss you. And so the story begins. This is not the first time this has happened with this gentleman.


I failed my asleep by midnight challenge last night. That was my own damn fault. I went over to my friends house and definitely did not watch a movie. I need to stop having the desire to cuddle; with that comes great conflicting thoughts. Now I'm trying not to get attached cause this isn't the first time we've had these hang outs that end in something more than friendly hugs. I'm trying not to get attached. Because well let's face it we haven't discussed anything like that at all. And that's partly my fault, why complicate things, right? Oh boys... they are so confusing. Since when did life get so complicated? 


A kiss is just a kiss unless you make a big deal about it. 


Which I'm trying not to do. 

Slaying the Dragon...

I'm once again sitting in the library. I'm thinking about renting out a space in the cubicle on the first floor. It's got everything I need: outlet, plenty of working space, bathroom near by, and a nice little view to the outside world. So what if I can only see tree limbs, I like the color green. So what if it's cold in here, I'll just bring a blanket. So what if I lose all contact with the outside world, I'll be having good grades. Maybe.

I've been here since one p.m. and it is no where near that time anymore. I've seen many people come and go in these long hours. But two things remain the same: my high speed internet connection and the girl sitting across the way from me scribbling on her one-hundred note cards. Together, her and I will conquer the world. The world of Marketing that is.

Don't think I've been studying the entire time. My buddy Everett has been texting me when I get super bored. And of course obviously I'm blogging right now. No, I can't study all the time. That would just be unheard of. I was about to get up and go take the foot stool that was at the table beside me, and then someone decides to sit down and use it. This is highly upsetting only because my feet are tired and I wish to put them up.

Our library is open 24/7 aside from some Saturdays when we have football games and heaven knows NO ONE studies on those days. (Yeah.... right) This means I'll probably be here for a very long time tonight unless I miraculously learn all this crap in a pretty fast time. I'm also missing the ATLANTA BRAVES game tonight, I think I might have to replace my usual background noise of country music with the sweet soothing sounds of the Braves winning and continuing Bobby Cox's reign as one of the coolest old men I know.

Now that it is after five I have officially been surrounded by all different walks from the college world. I've got the sorority girls across from me thankfully, both listening to their music and not talking constantly. Next to me are the group of hipsters studying their chemistry it looks like. They seem nice enough no talking going on at all. And then, there's the obnoxious guys to my left. They just arrived 5 minutes ago. And are still talking, louder than my music actually. I have a feeling I'm going to be sending them death glares the entire night.

I've begged and pleaded with people, but it doesn't look as if any of my friends wish to come see me. Probably for the best because I do need to study. My Taco Bell is getting cold and my Pepsi is getting warm. And I'm pretty sure my Marketing book is collecting dust. It's time to get back to work.

Ralph Brown Draughon Library -- or as I affectionately call it The Dragon-- let's get comfortable. We are in for a long night.

You lead me on and on and on

I think of everything as a learning experience. The good and the bad. And with my track record in life, I've learned a lot. Some are easier lessons than others then there are the hard ones. A little while back I had what I thought would be a hard lesson that I was getting to learn. I didn't think I would ever get over it, I didn't think I would move on. I thought I would cry forever. That thought lasted for about an hour and then my dad called me. (I was never a big daddy's girl until I went to college, then it's almost like I can't handle any big thing in my life without him) He told me that break ups happen, love fades, and it wasn't a waste because I enjoyed it for a little while and learned something in the end. So that's what I kept telling myself.

I try and not live with any regrets. Because once it's done, it's done might as well not regret it. So, do I regret loving everyone I have loved? No. Do I regret him being the first one I said that I was "in love" with? No.

Through all my relationships I've learned something. And this one was no exception. I think the reason it's stuck with me so long is because he and I were best friends. We ultimately decided we were better friends than lovers.  However I think because of circumstances that happened we aren't as good of friends that we thought we would be after the break up. I learned to be completely vulnerable to someone and not be scared. I learned to pick myself up off the ground after facing what I thought would be my worst fear. I learned that I'm a stubborn person and I need to stop letting my pride get in the way. I learned that sometimes love is only for a season. I learned exactly what I want in a relationship and what I don't. And that I should never compromise my beliefs for anyone. You live and you learn. And he was a learning experience and I'm happy with what I learned.

I can't even say that I wish things would have ended differently because I don't.

So, do I wish I never loved him? No. Because without him, I wouldn't have learned to truly let myself go and see where I landed.

Relationships are weird things. Every single one is different. But all are learning experiences. My last one was no exception. I like to think I came out of it on top and a better person. And ready to face the world head on again. Because well, I can only go up from here. :)






In other news.... after Tuesday I'll hopefully slow down with life and be able to enjoy the finer things... like my bed.

surrendering to sleep.

It's 11:00 pm. I'm laying in my bed, the only light illuminating my room coming from my laptop, the sweet voice of Jake Coco filling the silence around me, and I'm just about ready to surrender to sleep.

This week is going to be stressful. I already know it. I'm working Monday-Thursday. I have a BIG HUGE GINORMOUS Accounting test on Tuesday. Did I mention this test is a big deal? It is. I need a good grade on it. Like ferrrrr real. So, I'm going to the library tomorrow and will stay there for a good long time. I'm kind of upset because I will be missing my weekly Criminal Minds marathon. Every Sunday, I always have this marathon. Alas, school is more important. Then, as if the Accounting test wasn't enough, I have to do a business plan for my business. It's about 12 pages of a plan for my business and how it will succeed and the expenses I will be doing. Lots of research that is going to suck a lot. No, I don't have a business. I have to come up with one. I'm thinking a bakery? Maybe. Tiger Treats and Sweets???? Huh, huh, huh??? I'll hire my friend Kelly to make the brownies, she's a pro at that. :) haha.

Jake Coco is singing about wishing he never loved someone and that he never cared. I have a lot of thoughts on that. I think... I'll discuss this in my next post. Only cause it's something someone recently asked me about myself and I've actually been talking about this with someone for a while. "Do you regret loving him, like him being your first love? Would you take it all back if you could?"