You lead me on and on and on

I think of everything as a learning experience. The good and the bad. And with my track record in life, I've learned a lot. Some are easier lessons than others then there are the hard ones. A little while back I had what I thought would be a hard lesson that I was getting to learn. I didn't think I would ever get over it, I didn't think I would move on. I thought I would cry forever. That thought lasted for about an hour and then my dad called me. (I was never a big daddy's girl until I went to college, then it's almost like I can't handle any big thing in my life without him) He told me that break ups happen, love fades, and it wasn't a waste because I enjoyed it for a little while and learned something in the end. So that's what I kept telling myself.

I try and not live with any regrets. Because once it's done, it's done might as well not regret it. So, do I regret loving everyone I have loved? No. Do I regret him being the first one I said that I was "in love" with? No.

Through all my relationships I've learned something. And this one was no exception. I think the reason it's stuck with me so long is because he and I were best friends. We ultimately decided we were better friends than lovers.  However I think because of circumstances that happened we aren't as good of friends that we thought we would be after the break up. I learned to be completely vulnerable to someone and not be scared. I learned to pick myself up off the ground after facing what I thought would be my worst fear. I learned that I'm a stubborn person and I need to stop letting my pride get in the way. I learned that sometimes love is only for a season. I learned exactly what I want in a relationship and what I don't. And that I should never compromise my beliefs for anyone. You live and you learn. And he was a learning experience and I'm happy with what I learned.

I can't even say that I wish things would have ended differently because I don't.

So, do I wish I never loved him? No. Because without him, I wouldn't have learned to truly let myself go and see where I landed.

Relationships are weird things. Every single one is different. But all are learning experiences. My last one was no exception. I like to think I came out of it on top and a better person. And ready to face the world head on again. Because well, I can only go up from here. :)






In other news.... after Tuesday I'll hopefully slow down with life and be able to enjoy the finer things... like my bed.