I refuse to be a whore to get someone's attention back on me. Or to even get them to talk to me like we used to. I refuse to throw myself at him just to have some acknowledgement that I still exist. I refuse to change what I believe just to gain his affection back.
So, I'm sorry I don't play an instrument in the band.
I'm sorry I'm not a "fine" girl that danced with you.
I'm sorry that when I was drunk, instead of going home with you I called you out on ignoring me the entire night.
I'm sorry I'm true to myself and refuse to be anything else.
Cause I'm sure that's exactly what he wants me to say. But I'm not going to. I was his friend/whatever else before all the crazy popularity happened and I'll still be his friend after the fad dies down.
Besides he signed up for a class I was in only because I told him I was taking it. So, that counts for something.
Okay my little mini rant/piss and moan session is over.
I have a Marketing test tomorrow and I really need to study for it. Ugh. I hate this class and I need at least a C on the test tomorrow... easier said than done. I'm just waiting for Thursday at midnight to happen cause that's when HARRY POTTER COMES OUT!!! AHHHHH SO EXCITED It's going to be AMAZING!!!! Got my midnight release ticket and I'm ready to go!!! My Neville Longbottom shirt is clean and my Ravenclaw scarf is ready to be worn it best be cold that night. It's going to be great.
Ugh, I need to go back to studying. Like hardcore studying. So ready for Thanksgiving break... only 4 more days.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Learning so much in so little
This past weekend I went to the camp I worked at this summer and taught canoe to about 140 people. The high the entire weekend was going to be 51 and the low would be around 30. The ladies I worked with were amazing, I don't think I've ever felt so welcomed by women who were older than I am than this past weekend from these lovely ladies. I taught canoe all day Saturday and about froze my toes off, I thought I was going to write a short post about how my weekend went but there was something else I wanted to say about this weekend.
Late Saturday night after the rest of the camp had gone to bed and were all asleep in their sleeping bags; me, the cook, and the program director sat up and talked. We originally were talking about random stupid things and then they asked about my life. Or rather my romantic life. They asked about this new guy. They asked if we were still in that big goofy smile stage where you can't stop looking at them with the googly eyes. I told them we were never in that stage and immediately they said "he's not the one." I had this crazy look on my face probably cause they both explained their husbands were the only ones they were never able to stop looking and smiling all goofingly at. Not only did they teach me that somewhat ridiculous information but they did tell me something really smart. Don't go down to any guys level. If they aren't on your level they aren't worth it. And to never change who I was for anyone. I've heard the latter for years but it really just hit home hearing it from them.
I think the reason the whole idea of being married and settling down has been on my mind recently is because a lot of my friends are getting married and people are asking when that'll be me. And the fact that these two women told me just because everyone else was getting married doesn't mean I should feel bad about myself or try and change myself just so I can find someone to put a ring on my finger and marry me. But to wait for someone that was actually special and didn't make me change.
Okay, that was way more sappy than I wanted it to be. I'm going to finish watching tv and then go to bed. My power is back on from it's little outage this afternoon and I've finished all my work, I think it's time I start going to be early.
Late Saturday night after the rest of the camp had gone to bed and were all asleep in their sleeping bags; me, the cook, and the program director sat up and talked. We originally were talking about random stupid things and then they asked about my life. Or rather my romantic life. They asked about this new guy. They asked if we were still in that big goofy smile stage where you can't stop looking at them with the googly eyes. I told them we were never in that stage and immediately they said "he's not the one." I had this crazy look on my face probably cause they both explained their husbands were the only ones they were never able to stop looking and smiling all goofingly at. Not only did they teach me that somewhat ridiculous information but they did tell me something really smart. Don't go down to any guys level. If they aren't on your level they aren't worth it. And to never change who I was for anyone. I've heard the latter for years but it really just hit home hearing it from them.
I think the reason the whole idea of being married and settling down has been on my mind recently is because a lot of my friends are getting married and people are asking when that'll be me. And the fact that these two women told me just because everyone else was getting married doesn't mean I should feel bad about myself or try and change myself just so I can find someone to put a ring on my finger and marry me. But to wait for someone that was actually special and didn't make me change.
Okay, that was way more sappy than I wanted it to be. I'm going to finish watching tv and then go to bed. My power is back on from it's little outage this afternoon and I've finished all my work, I think it's time I start going to be early.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Two days in a row?
Yes, two days in a row. I looked at my planner and noticed I don't have anything huge due for at least 8 days. So I got to take it easy tonight. I went out and grabbed dinner with some friends. Had a surprise visitor come up and see me before he had to go study and then I came home. I just cleaned my room and will probably hopefully make it into bed early tonight. Though who knows. I might go crazy and stay up late still.
Right now I'm not feeling too fantastic. I'm a little down. Lately it seems like one of the really good friends I have has been using me. Well, it doesn't just feel like it, it basically is that they are. It annoys me to know end, but I still let it happen. I don't know why. I just do. I'm such a girl. Instead of doing something about it I sit and complain and refuse to budge and say it hurts my feelings. I'm so prideful. It's such a horrible characteristic.
In other news, I think I might have to cave and demand an answer from a certain boy. I can't handle this confusion much longer. But timing is everything when it comes to this. It seems like just now that my life has slowed down his has gotten more hectic and now is just not the right time. Don't get me wrong, I like this whole no strings attached business, but well a girls gotta know. Besides, sometimes it's nice to have something to fall back on and say, yeah I'm not just doing whatever with him whenever but we actually have SOMETHING going on. Who knows. All I know is, my mind can't take this nonsense any longer. I have enough to worry about with school and work.
Tonight was a rerun of Glee and for NCIS, thus I caught us with Grey's Anatomy. It's sad that on a free night instead of really going out and seeing my friends I opt out of a wild night with them to a quiet night alone in my room in my bed. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Right now I'm not feeling too fantastic. I'm a little down. Lately it seems like one of the really good friends I have has been using me. Well, it doesn't just feel like it, it basically is that they are. It annoys me to know end, but I still let it happen. I don't know why. I just do. I'm such a girl. Instead of doing something about it I sit and complain and refuse to budge and say it hurts my feelings. I'm so prideful. It's such a horrible characteristic.
In other news, I think I might have to cave and demand an answer from a certain boy. I can't handle this confusion much longer. But timing is everything when it comes to this. It seems like just now that my life has slowed down his has gotten more hectic and now is just not the right time. Don't get me wrong, I like this whole no strings attached business, but well a girls gotta know. Besides, sometimes it's nice to have something to fall back on and say, yeah I'm not just doing whatever with him whenever but we actually have SOMETHING going on. Who knows. All I know is, my mind can't take this nonsense any longer. I have enough to worry about with school and work.
Tonight was a rerun of Glee and for NCIS, thus I caught us with Grey's Anatomy. It's sad that on a free night instead of really going out and seeing my friends I opt out of a wild night with them to a quiet night alone in my room in my bed. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Monday, November 1, 2010
A chance to take a breathe
I can officially say I do not know where my time has been going. It seems like lately the days are getting shorter and the nights are coming faster and my sleep is becoming nonexistent. I've never in my life been so confused as to where time has been going. I've had a test every week for the last 8 weeks straight and it won't be letting up until after finals. I await the day when I don't have to study at night. When am I graduating and not having to worry about test? Anyways, my life. Well, hmmm let's see.
This past weekend I went home to the annual National Peanut Festival. I have gone to this since I was a wee little bean in my mothers belly. I missed the nut fest last year due to my inability to get home. However this year, I refused to miss it. And my stomach was happy about this. In a span of just two hours I ate: a corn dog from the corn dog man (which is amazing hand dipped batter), an elephant ear, chili cheese fries (homemade chili recipe from generations ago), roasted corn on the cob, and boiled peanuts. My stomach was in heaven. I also took in the sights and sounds that is my home town. The rednecks were out in full swing and the confederate flags were not lacking that's for sure. Plenty of y'alls and tobacco spitting all around. I wouldn't have it any other way, at least not at the good ole Nut Fest.
As for college life: it goes. I go to class, go to work, go to the library, go home, eat, sleep. And do it all over again the next day. I can't complain. It keeps me busy I guess?
That's why nothing exciting has happened with me lately. I literally don't know where the time is going. Any free time I have I'm spending with friends and that's usually only a few hours. The weekend before last I reveled in the fact that I could go to a haunted hay ride with one group of friends and then go watch tv with another after that and not feel bad about doing so. I think I'm just ready for a chance to breathe.
I hope that is soon.
This past weekend I went home to the annual National Peanut Festival. I have gone to this since I was a wee little bean in my mothers belly. I missed the nut fest last year due to my inability to get home. However this year, I refused to miss it. And my stomach was happy about this. In a span of just two hours I ate: a corn dog from the corn dog man (which is amazing hand dipped batter), an elephant ear, chili cheese fries (homemade chili recipe from generations ago), roasted corn on the cob, and boiled peanuts. My stomach was in heaven. I also took in the sights and sounds that is my home town. The rednecks were out in full swing and the confederate flags were not lacking that's for sure. Plenty of y'alls and tobacco spitting all around. I wouldn't have it any other way, at least not at the good ole Nut Fest.
As for college life: it goes. I go to class, go to work, go to the library, go home, eat, sleep. And do it all over again the next day. I can't complain. It keeps me busy I guess?
That's why nothing exciting has happened with me lately. I literally don't know where the time is going. Any free time I have I'm spending with friends and that's usually only a few hours. The weekend before last I reveled in the fact that I could go to a haunted hay ride with one group of friends and then go watch tv with another after that and not feel bad about doing so. I think I'm just ready for a chance to breathe.
I hope that is soon.
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