Look at it this way. There is only one singular absolute truth: your realization of your own self. By concerning yourself so greatly with the judgements and opinions of others, you only look away from that one truth.
What's the point of relying on that which you cannot know with any real certainty over that which you can? There isn't one! So quit fooling around, you are your own world and you are perfectly viable, beautiful, and wonderful. You're your own miracle and you need no one else's revelation to know that other than your own!
My friend Tyler told this exact thing to me 6 months ago when I was questioning the current relationship I was in. And since then, I've looked to it anytime that I'm feeling down. Which lately has been a lot. I don't really know how to describe what's been going on in my mind and in my life. Things are going really great. I can't even say that they aren't. I just, get in these funks sometimes. And it bothers me that I can't get out of them.
Currently my funk is this: I'm tired of all the shallow people at my school, I'm tired of not being able to meet more people, I'm tired of just people.
Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. So much. But, right now I'm finding it super hard to make more friends. No one in my major likes to socialize. Or, they just aren't nice. So I'm stuck.
I have one set of friends that I do a lot of stuff with. And then I branch out some. But I still have a core set of friends. So if you piss someone off, you're stuck. Or if they don't go to a football game, you're stuck hunting scrambling for someone to go with. *currently I'm in that bind no ones likes day games apparently*
This blog has been sitting in the drafts for over a week. I've been constantly fighting to get my words right. And they still aren't even what I wish to convey. Just a bunched up version of thoughts. Some aren't even in here. I don't know. I'm just in a funk and I'm not too happy about it.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
day six.
Five things you can't live without
1. Music. It keeps me sane, it helps me stay calm, it fills the silence when I don't want to be quiet, it let's me escape the crazy world.
2. Love. "All you need is love" I believe this. Without the love of my family and friends, I would be no where and never leaving.
3. Sudokus. They help my brain be used and challenge me to beat my lowest time. I love a challenge.
4. Dirt Roads with a starry night above me. I've done some of my best thinking on dirt roads looking at the stars. I've solved the problems of the world and even some of my own while out under the stars with the dirt under my butt.
5. Oreos. They are my comfort cookie. If I'm eating Oreos, something is up. They have always been my go to thing.
1. Music. It keeps me sane, it helps me stay calm, it fills the silence when I don't want to be quiet, it let's me escape the crazy world.
2. Love. "All you need is love" I believe this. Without the love of my family and friends, I would be no where and never leaving.
3. Sudokus. They help my brain be used and challenge me to beat my lowest time. I love a challenge.
4. Dirt Roads with a starry night above me. I've done some of my best thinking on dirt roads looking at the stars. I've solved the problems of the world and even some of my own while out under the stars with the dirt under my butt.
5. Oreos. They are my comfort cookie. If I'm eating Oreos, something is up. They have always been my go to thing.
Monday, September 20, 2010
day five
Six songs you're addicted to
1. Ring of Fire-Johnny Cash. It is and always will be my one of my all time favorite songs. No questions asked.
2. There Came You- Marsha Musleh. This woman, is basically famous on the internet, I love her and this song it is pretty much a song I was in love with all last year. And I still am.
3. If I Were An Artist- Jake Coco. I love his voice, and I want to marry him. So bad. He's also pretty obscure though so it's hard to find a lot about him.
4. World Spins Madly On- The Weepies. So much so, I might be getting the title tattooed onto me. Because it has become something I just saw whenever anything horrible happens or anything great happens. It's my own personal mantra almost.
5. Guys Like Me- Eric Church. This song brings back so many memories from high school. It is a key point in one of the best memories I have of a friend who passed away last year. I sang it with him and it will always remind me of him.
6. Desperado- Eagles. Yeah It is another favorite of mine. Always will be.
1. Ring of Fire-Johnny Cash. It is and always will be my one of my all time favorite songs. No questions asked.
2. There Came You- Marsha Musleh. This woman, is basically famous on the internet, I love her and this song it is pretty much a song I was in love with all last year. And I still am.
3. If I Were An Artist- Jake Coco. I love his voice, and I want to marry him. So bad. He's also pretty obscure though so it's hard to find a lot about him.
4. World Spins Madly On- The Weepies. So much so, I might be getting the title tattooed onto me. Because it has become something I just saw whenever anything horrible happens or anything great happens. It's my own personal mantra almost.
5. Guys Like Me- Eric Church. This song brings back so many memories from high school. It is a key point in one of the best memories I have of a friend who passed away last year. I sang it with him and it will always remind me of him.
6. Desperado- Eagles. Yeah It is another favorite of mine. Always will be.
Monday, September 13, 2010
I can't survive being the catlady
I should be studying for a marketing test, but I have been all day and I need a break. School has been going pretty smoothly I'm hoping it keeps up that way. Football has been good, we are 2-0. This weekend though, that will be a true test to see how we are doing. I'm kind of a hermit right now, I've always got so much work to do that I find myself going home, doing the work and then getting into bed and just relaxing. I love that, however I don't want to be a hermit for too long. I mean college is all about living it up cause soon we will be adults.
That kind of scares me. I'm going to be a full fledged adult soon. I can't believe it. I'm not ready to grow up. I think I have the Peter Pan syndrome. Which makes sense because that is my favorite cartoon movie, by far.
OH crap, I just remembered I have clothes in the washer. I need to get those in the dryer.
In other news of personal detail. I'm finding it increasingly hard to feel compassion for people these days. It seems like all they want is compassion after they have done something stupid and I just don't desire to give it to them. At all. I'm used to me feeling horrible when people are upset and not being able to be mean to anyone at all. But lately I just haven't had those same feelings. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. I'm just tired of people wishing to be given sympathy for doing something ignorant. I just don't want to end up being a cold hearted old lady who only shows love to her 57 cats. Besides, I'm allergic to cats, like horrifically allergic. So I don't think I could survive being the catlady for very long. I might die.
That kind of scares me. I'm going to be a full fledged adult soon. I can't believe it. I'm not ready to grow up. I think I have the Peter Pan syndrome. Which makes sense because that is my favorite cartoon movie, by far.
OH crap, I just remembered I have clothes in the washer. I need to get those in the dryer.
In other news of personal detail. I'm finding it increasingly hard to feel compassion for people these days. It seems like all they want is compassion after they have done something stupid and I just don't desire to give it to them. At all. I'm used to me feeling horrible when people are upset and not being able to be mean to anyone at all. But lately I just haven't had those same feelings. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. I'm just tired of people wishing to be given sympathy for doing something ignorant. I just don't want to end up being a cold hearted old lady who only shows love to her 57 cats. Besides, I'm allergic to cats, like horrifically allergic. So I don't think I could survive being the catlady for very long. I might die.
day four.
7 fears/phobias
1. Failing at life. Graduating and not being able to get a job and having to settle for something less than my dream.
2. Spending my life alone. Not having people that love me surrounding me.
3. Mascots. Anything where I can't see the face of the person it freaks me out.
4. Never reaching my full potential.
5. Being stranded in the middle of the ocean with sharks circling my feet below.
6. Being vulnerable. Vulnerability scares the shit out of me.
7. Getting stuck in the elevators in the Haley Center on campus.
1. Failing at life. Graduating and not being able to get a job and having to settle for something less than my dream.
2. Spending my life alone. Not having people that love me surrounding me.
3. Mascots. Anything where I can't see the face of the person it freaks me out.
4. Never reaching my full potential.
5. Being stranded in the middle of the ocean with sharks circling my feet below.
6. Being vulnerable. Vulnerability scares the shit out of me.
7. Getting stuck in the elevators in the Haley Center on campus.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
day three
8 things that annoy you
1. When friends ditch you the minute they get a girlfriend/boyfriend.
2. People who walk extra slow on the sidewalks and then won't let you pass them.
3. Bikes on sidewalks.
4. Not being able to fall back asleep when I wake up too early.
5. Being one or two cents off on my accounting problems and not being able to figure out where I went wrong.
6. My new neighbors taking my parking spot.
7. Burnt toast.
8. People who smack their gum.
I'm going home this weekend. Thank God. Nothing exciting is going on in my life other than that. And i'm kind of okay with that.
1. When friends ditch you the minute they get a girlfriend/boyfriend.
2. People who walk extra slow on the sidewalks and then won't let you pass them.
3. Bikes on sidewalks.
4. Not being able to fall back asleep when I wake up too early.
5. Being one or two cents off on my accounting problems and not being able to figure out where I went wrong.
6. My new neighbors taking my parking spot.
7. Burnt toast.
8. People who smack their gum.
I'm going home this weekend. Thank God. Nothing exciting is going on in my life other than that. And i'm kind of okay with that.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
day two
9 things you do everyday. (because it's a cop out and my life's just not interesting right now)
1. Curse at the song "Love is My Drug" for waking me up at what seems too early. And hit the snooze on my alarm at least twice.
2. Turn on my television and watch it for entirely too long to the point to where I'm running late and have to rush to get ready for classes.
3. Walk into Lowder and wonder if I'll ever see the rest of campus again. I've sold my soul to Mr. Lowder and I'm afraid Auburn will never get to see it again.
4. Call my mother and discuss the happenings in and around Dothan and Auburn.
5. Drown myself in intermediate accounting problems out the wazoo in hopes of not failing at my dreams to graduate.
6. Sweat to death until I walk out into the living room wondering why it is so damn hot only to find that the air conditioner has been turned off.
7. Stare at the refrigerator and wonder what I will eat that night.
8. Catch up on my blog reading and watch some crime shows. It's my guilty pleasure I love Criminal Minds with a passion. Can I marry Matthew Gubler? Please and thank you.
9. Stay up entirely too late looking at the most ridiculous random crap on the interwebs imaginable.
And I do it all over the next day.
1. Curse at the song "Love is My Drug" for waking me up at what seems too early. And hit the snooze on my alarm at least twice.
2. Turn on my television and watch it for entirely too long to the point to where I'm running late and have to rush to get ready for classes.
3. Walk into Lowder and wonder if I'll ever see the rest of campus again. I've sold my soul to Mr. Lowder and I'm afraid Auburn will never get to see it again.
4. Call my mother and discuss the happenings in and around Dothan and Auburn.
5. Drown myself in intermediate accounting problems out the wazoo in hopes of not failing at my dreams to graduate.
6. Sweat to death until I walk out into the living room wondering why it is so damn hot only to find that the air conditioner has been turned off.
7. Stare at the refrigerator and wonder what I will eat that night.
8. Catch up on my blog reading and watch some crime shows. It's my guilty pleasure I love Criminal Minds with a passion. Can I marry Matthew Gubler? Please and thank you.
9. Stay up entirely too late looking at the most ridiculous random crap on the interwebs imaginable.
And I do it all over the next day.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
10 day challenge. day one.
A girl I know from a college I refuse to even type the name of, is doing this on her blog. It's kind of a fun idea mainly because it makes me think and distracts me from studying. I decided to try it out.
10. day. challenge.
Day 1: Ten random facts about yourself
Day 2: Nine things you do everyday
Day 3: Eight things that annoy you
Day 4: Seven fears/phobias
Day 5: Six songs that you’re addicted to
Day 6: Five things you can’t live without
Day 7: Four memories you won’t forget
Day 8: Three words you can’t go a day without using
Day 9: Two things you wish you could do
Day 10: One person you can trust
Day 1: Ten random facts.
1. I'm majoring in accounting but find the majority of accounting to be absolutely boring. I'm only interested in the taxes part and being a certified fraud examiner, the income statements crap can go to hell.
2. I've never enjoyed football, but going to a big football school has made me learn to love it.
3. My plan is to climb one of the buildings on campus before I graduate. I've already gotten in picked out and how I will execute the deed. Just gotta do it.
4. I have a strict rule: No one under six foot one inches tall. And if they don't meet that requirement, tough cookies. A girl's gotta have standards.
5. I went to a Christian school my entire life. And in my opinion it pushed me away from the church ideas rather than draw me into it.
6. I believe the south is one of the greatest places to live. The hospitality is second to none
7. Whenever something bad happens I find something always saying "And the world spins madly on."
8. I dip my pizza in ranch and my macaroni in ketchup.
9. I already have the name picked out for a puppy I don't even have. Pippin Leroy Jethro
10. I want to have a hammock when I have my own yard.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I thought engineers were shy and awkward?
I am not a fan of the engineering majors in my university. All the ones I have met have not been the greatest people in the entire world. Aside from the gay ones. I love my gays. They make me laugh, but I digress. I have what some would call a grudge against the engineers. I won't bore you with all the sad stories, (trust me there are many) however I feel like saying my peace when it comes to the last engineer that "did me wrong." I feel like if I can say some of this to myself it'll help me even more to realize how much better off I am without him. Great as a friend, not in a relationship. That was us.
Software engineer boy. That's what I lovingly referred to him as for almost a year. He was mine and I was his. He told me when he was with me he felt no need to get drunk or high because he'd rather spend time with me. The idea that I could have that affect on someone astonished me. I was proud of him. We were happy. I think? Well, until I became unhappy. And he became unhappy. We were both stubborn and refused to give up though. We fought through it. The sexual tension between us was nothing short of A-mazing. We would fight and then we would make up all in the span of one afternoon. Until May.
On his birthday he divulged a secret. He was no longer in love with me. He loved me, just not IN LOVE. But he wanted to work it out, pulled me into his lap and kissed me sweetly. I looked at him... and threw up. Strike one.
A few days later he broke plans with me to hang out with a new girl. Didn't tell me he was breaking these plans, just refused to answer his phone. Leaving me: hungry, alone, and crying my eyes out with Titanic playing in the background. Strike two.
The day before my biggest final he comes over to "talk." Oh I knew it was coming. Because I was going to do it if he wouldn't. I was just going to wait until finals were over. He still loved me, he just couldn't love anyone right now. He needed to decide some things with his life. Strike three. AND you're out.
I know, that's not such a big deal. He broke up with me. Deal with it and move on. Oh, honey, I have, trust me. But the best part hasn't even come yet.
The night we broke up, he went out with a new girl. They started dating two days later. Oh happy day.
He still cares about me though... he tells me that periodically (while still dating this new girl). Creepy right? I thought so. He started smoking pot again. My heart breaks over that. He says he is clean. And God I hope so. Cause I hate to see someone's life go down the drain.
Swindled by another engineer.
After him, I swore to stop dating people from the engineering department.
This is a horrible mindset to have. But, it works for me. And I'm okay with that. :)
Software engineer boy. That's what I lovingly referred to him as for almost a year. He was mine and I was his. He told me when he was with me he felt no need to get drunk or high because he'd rather spend time with me. The idea that I could have that affect on someone astonished me. I was proud of him. We were happy. I think? Well, until I became unhappy. And he became unhappy. We were both stubborn and refused to give up though. We fought through it. The sexual tension between us was nothing short of A-mazing. We would fight and then we would make up all in the span of one afternoon. Until May.
On his birthday he divulged a secret. He was no longer in love with me. He loved me, just not IN LOVE. But he wanted to work it out, pulled me into his lap and kissed me sweetly. I looked at him... and threw up. Strike one.
A few days later he broke plans with me to hang out with a new girl. Didn't tell me he was breaking these plans, just refused to answer his phone. Leaving me: hungry, alone, and crying my eyes out with Titanic playing in the background. Strike two.
The day before my biggest final he comes over to "talk." Oh I knew it was coming. Because I was going to do it if he wouldn't. I was just going to wait until finals were over. He still loved me, he just couldn't love anyone right now. He needed to decide some things with his life. Strike three. AND you're out.
I know, that's not such a big deal. He broke up with me. Deal with it and move on. Oh, honey, I have, trust me. But the best part hasn't even come yet.
The night we broke up, he went out with a new girl. They started dating two days later. Oh happy day.
He still cares about me though... he tells me that periodically (while still dating this new girl). Creepy right? I thought so. He started smoking pot again. My heart breaks over that. He says he is clean. And God I hope so. Cause I hate to see someone's life go down the drain.
Swindled by another engineer.
After him, I swore to stop dating people from the engineering department.
This is a horrible mindset to have. But, it works for me. And I'm okay with that. :)
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