I've struggled with writing this post for about 6 days now. I didn't want to have to type this out and actually think these words but it seems like I need to say it. For myself. So I can start really understanding. This post could get long, and for that I apologize I just really need to say everything, that way I can begin to understand.
My great grandmother was put in the hospital two weeks ago today. She was having trouble swallowing and as a precaution they wanted to run some test. A simple test was being run and they found cancer on her lungs. She has never smoked a day in her life but alas it took a hold of her. They decided to put a tube down her throat to see if they could understand what was going on with her inability to swallow. The tube wouldn't even go down.
The doctor came in and told her she had cancer, and chemo wouldn't help. They couldn't figure out why she could not swallow anything. She stayed in the hospital for 6 days and then they sent her home.
They sent her home. Someone stays with her at all times. She can hardly walk, after sitting up for a short time she gets tired, and she sleeps most of the time. They gave her two to three weeks when she was sent home. The one week mark passed yesterday. The doctor sent my grandma Roney, my sweet sweet great grandmother home to starve to death because they couldn't do anything to help her. She's in constant pain, constant. She can't even swallow water. She's slowly disappearing before our eyes and they can't do a damn thing about it. And you know where I'm at? Auburn, because I have finals.
I should be home. I should be sitting in her living room being there for her--for my family. Talking to her on the good times that she has when she can talk. But no, I'm here trying to find the will to study for finals that are next week.
It's become real because I've finally accepted it.
And I hate it.
No comments:
Post a Comment